Alpha or Beta?

Are you a mom that strives for perfection? Or are you a totally laid-back parent?

The latest battle among moms is not the stay-at-home moms versus the working moms. It’s not even the breastfeeding moms versus bottle-feeding moms. Nope, it’s the Alpha Moms versus the Beta Moms.

I first heard about these new terms on the Today Show. The "Alpha Mom" is a high achiever who seeks perfection in raising her kids. The “Beta Mom” is much more laid-back in her parenting approach.

An Alpha Mom I imagine to be the perfect scheduler and organizer. She’s a mom and a business woman, a multi-tasker who brings her office procedures to play in her parenting style. She’s dressed to the nines whether at work or at home. She can drive, drink coffee and fiddle with her Blackberry while dropping the kids off to school on her way to the office. She’ll come home and still whip up a gourmet meal, then whisk the kids off to soccer practice. On the weekend, in between birthday parties, cleaning the house and entertaining guests for dinner, she’ll squeeze in an hour at the gym and a manicure, and still make it to her daughter’s ballet recital. Somewhere between 5 and 6 pm she’ll find about 23 minutes of quality time to spend with the kids doing a structured activity. You look at these moms and think, “How does she do it all?”

For a Beta Mom, the kids wake up when they wake up. If they’re late for school it’s not the end of the world. She doesn’t worry about her appearance and doesn’t think twice about wearing make-up just to go pick up some eggs and milk. She owns several pairs of track suits and running shoes. She doesn’t feel pressured to enroll her kids in every extra-curricular activity and lets them decide what they want to do. She chooses to pace herself and if stuff doesn’t get done, there is always tomorrow. She’ll hang out with the kids and have pillow fights, leaving the reading and math lessons to the teachers. She’s not too concerned about sticking to a schedule. Some days dinner is at 5:30pm, other days closer to 7:00pm if she’s lucky.

These are the extremes… but there are some women out there who fit these descriptions to a tee! Where do you fit in?

I can see myself in both Alpha and Beta -- just as I’m sure most people do. I admit I was a bit neurotic with my first-born, the Boss, but now with the Underboss, I’m much more relaxed… it comes with experience.

If I have to slap a label on myself, I would say I’m neither Alpha nor Beta… so what does that make me? Let’s create a new term for moms who are somewhere in between… how about a Gamma or Delta Mom? Or any other letter of the Greek Alphabet? Heck, I’m just a Mom who loves her kids and wants to raise them as best as I can! Motherhood isn’t a competition! I want my kids to be well-balanced and experience the best life has to offer.

So where did this latest mommy war come from? Why do we have to battle anyway? Women can be so catty and judgmental towards one another. Why do we compare each other when instead we should be supporting each other? We finally have choices yet we still find ways to bash each other’s choices.

Can we stop with the labels we give ourselves? People are so quick to stereotype based on these labels. So why do we do it? We’re all guilty of it!

What will be next? The Fashionable Moms versus the Dowdy Moms? The First-time Moms versus the Experienced Moms?

Just for total and crazy fun (and just for fun, ladies!), I did my own comparisons. I created my own labels for two groups of moms: the Neurotic Moms and the Laid-back Moms.

Neurotic Mom: She is quick to bust out the antibacterial gel and wipes and quickly wipe her kids’ hands after touching other kids.
Laid-back Mom: She lets her kid roll around on the grass and eat dirt.

Neurotic Mom: When her kids are having a playdate, she is right on their tail, stepping in at the exact moment when one kid is about to clobber the other.
Laid-back Mom: ‘Your son is gouging my son’s eyes out? That’s ok, they can work it out!’

Neurotic Mom: Baby’s pacifier falls on the ground; she scrubs it thoroughly with soap and hot water.
Laid-back Mom: Baby’s pacifier falls on the ground; she puts it in her mouth then pops it in her baby’s mouth.

Neurotic Mom: Buys organic food and makes her children eat their veggies; chocolate and soda is a big no-no.
Laid-back Mom: Burger King and McDonald’s once in a while is really okay! Plus they have those fun tunnels so the kids can eat the junk and then work it off.

Neurotic Mom: If she has a parenting question, she refers to her myriad of parenting books or simply Googles it.
Laid-Back Mom: Calls her Mom.

Neurotic Mom: Buys the entire collection of Brainy Baby and Baby Einstein DVDs for her baby because she believes it helps early learning and makes baby smart.
Laid-Back Mom: Lets her baby watch Barnie and Teletubbies and play with pots and pans.

Neurotic Mom: Prepares, cooks and purées her own baby food. Nothing beats homemade.
Laid-Back Mom: She polishes off whatever leftover Heinz applesauce her baby didn't eat.

Neurotic Mom: Her toddler grabs a Cheerio from the floor and proceeds to eat it; with her clean, manicured pinkie finger, this mom quickly scoops it out of her mouth.
Laid-back Mom: Eating off the kitchen floor, clean or not, is fine. Germs can help build up the immune system, uh...right?

Neurotic Mom: After school, kids are off to soccer, swimming, gymnastics or music class; then dinner, homework and bath. No time for T.V.
Laid-back Mom: After school, kids come home and watch T.V. or play hide-and-seek or road hockey with the neighbourhood friends outside.

Neurotic Mom: Goes beserk when she sees her kid trip and fall down and rushes to the doctor for a little scrape on the knee.
Laid-Back Mom: Gets her kid back on their feet and licks the wound; the spit makes it heal faster.

Neurotic Mom: After the kids have gone to bed, she’ll settle down with a glass of wine.
Laid-Back Mom: After the kids have gone to bed, she’ll settle down with a bottle of wine. And maybe smoke some weed.

Maria LC