Patsy's Winter Game Plan to Enjoy Fall

For me, the first sign that summer is coming to an end is when I put on my first pair of socks, and wear fully covered shoes. The good thing about this is that I get to cover my incredibly worn and torn Fred Flintstone feet, which pushes me to start the ritual of smothering them with Vaseline.

As you have probably already noticed, I don’t do winters well.

Now, I really love autumn in all its colourful beauty, I really do. Fall truly is an incredibly time of year for Canadians. Not only do our tree leaves turn into gorgeous colours before falling off, there are seemingly countless fun-filled activities to do with your family. From apple picking to hay rides, to picking up your very own pumpkin for Halloween at the neighbourhood pumpkin patch. We have breathtaking scenic nature walks where we bundle up and go hiking. In fact, I can say without a doubt that Canada in fall, is one of the most beautiful countries to be in.

And yet I can’t help but fear the calm before the storm. The winter that is about to take place. These winters have become incredibly harder for me now that I am homebound with three little, terrors. So what do I do this winter? Do I give in to defeat before winter even starts or do I mentally get ready in autumn to have the best Canadian winter ever?

Maybe my fantasies with Ricardo aren’t helping me. Drinking Mojitos on a beautiful
Sunny beach with my Latino lover might be holding me back from embracing the great white north.

It’s time I trade in Ricardo for a Dr Zhivago kind of man.

He needs to be big, tall, and Russian, who wears some kind of faux fur coat (you and I know it’s not faux but just to spare me from an animal activist scandal, let’s say it is) and his name will be, well, Zhivago. He will be authoritative and in control, telling me what I should do. More like ordering me what I should do. This Russian winter warrior will embrace me in his big, massive warm arms and protect me from the harsh arctic winds.

What? Can this be true? I already hear Zhivago whispering in my ear, “Lara...uhmm...Patsy – you need a winter game plan.”

Smothered against his warm hard chest, I look up into his big dreamy green eyes where I simply gasp and nod my head in agreement.

Patsy’s Winter Game Plan to Enjoy Canada ’s Fall Season:

· Have your February blues in November so when February comes it will feel old and done with already.

· Turn your Fred Flintstone feet into Wilma Flintstone feet. Go for a pedicure once a month.

· Sit next to the window and soak up the winter sun as you read your favourite magazine.

· Set up a tent in the living room and make smores at the fireplace – (or just make smores, they’re damn good!)

· Avoid mall-madness at Christmas, so a week after Halloween, get a Santa Claus suit, have your hubbie or significant other wear it in your living room, and invite over all your girlfriends with their children so you can take picture of them sitting on Santa's lap. Then buy twelve bottles of wine and forty dollars worth of toys at the Dollar Store and voila!!! Your Christmas shopping is done. Because when it really comes down to it our kids have all the toys they need, and we never have all the alcohol we need!

· Stop yearning for eye-candy! Book a play-date with all your girlfriends at the local Fire Department just to pass the time away. ;)

· Do all the winter sports you can think of: skating, skiing, snowboarding, tobogganing, ice fishing -- just do it!!!

· Spend a lot of money on your winter coat so you can feel like a snow queen when you walk your kids to school.

· Visit an adults-only store nearby, and buy lots of sexy lingerie or whatever else you can think of to spice up your sex life after years and years and years and years of marriage.

· Don’t gain the fifteen pounds you always gain every Canadian winter.

· After every fresh snowfall, go outside and make a big heart with your footprints and then show your child the artistic display from a window upstairs.

· Go for a nice swim with your kids at the closest indoor swimming pool.

And if all else fails, imagine Zhivago snuggling up to you in bed every night and saying, “Good night my Winter Goddess, good night.”

Patsy S.