Adios Amigas!

My oldest son (resembling a dog in heat) is masturbating on the staircase.

Me: Alexander can you please do that in private.

Alexander: Why mom, because I might fall down the stairs?

Nodding my head (and admitting defeat), I ignore his answer and start getting dinner ready. I have to get dinner ready extra early because tonight is my exercise night. My husband will get home early from work so I can go out at do my Yoga. These outings ---otherwise known as ME TIME, have been becoming more difficult for me now that my husband is passionately enjoying tennis and since I have been pushing him to be active for years now, I have to do what I can to make his new hobby not interfere with my ME TIME.

The phone rings. It’s my husband.

John: Hey hon, sorry but I have an emergency meeting with the principal --- there was a crazy fight in the hallway and I have to report it, so you are going to have to cancel Yoga tonight.

Me: Okay… Bye!

I really wanted to scream out F!@K!!!! at the top of my lungs. It has been over a week since I have exercised, and I am still working on my story for amotherworld which means I won’t have the energy to go on the treadmill tonight. I am feeling overwhelmed and it is time to say no to something. So I close my eyes and invite Ricardo into my life.

It is a perfect hot night on some remote island in South America.

Ricardo: What do you mean it’s over?

Me: It’s over Ricardo. I have to put an end to this romance of ours.

Ricardo: But why? Waz it someting I sed?

Me: No… It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.

Ricardo: Oh, por favor Pautsy…Don’t giva me the “it’s not jou it’s me" line. I’m the Latino lover here, I’m the one hou should be givin’ you tat line.

Me: No, babe it really is true. I’m done with amotherworld.

Ricardo: Por que?

Me: I don’t know why, I just not feeling it anymore. My husband is getting in shape, so he plays tennis three school nights a week, which means less help, my oldest son needs more help with his homework. The twins have become so much more talkative which means they have become more demanding.

Ricardo gets frustrated and starts frantically nodding his head as he's fighting back the tears

Ricardo: Iz no easier now that the kids are big?

Me: Yes it’s easier, but because I’m feeling stronger and better than ever I don’t need to write anymore, I would much rather curl up with a book in bed or exercise with my free time, then sit in front of a computer and pour myself into a story.

Ricardo: Jou are trading me for a paper back book? Jou are trade me in for treadmill?

I grab him by the face and look into his beautiful big brown eyes where we both lock into each others’ gaze.

Me: Si my Latino beauty…You did wonders for me, but I don’t need you anymore.

Ricardo angry with my words pushes me away and looks up at the twinkling stars. I grab him by the arms and embrace him, where suddenly!!! The buttons on his white shirt magically unbutton, giving me the opportunity to dive my face into his beautifully sculpted muscular hairless chest.

I didn’t want to move, I wanted to leave my face on that perfect chest and hear his heart beating like a Salsa song for the rest of my life. I wanted to continue with my therapeutic stories; I wanted to write more about the Double Breasted Goddess, the daily challenges of being a stay at home to three small rambunctious boys, being married to the stereotypical mentally challenged male, etc…

I begin to cry and violently push myself off Ricardo.

Me: No this is wrong! I am done. I love you Ricardo, I love you amotherworld readers for helping me get through the most difficult period of my life but I am strong now and I am ready to let go, so I can embark on other ventures and journeys. Thank you Ricardo but that time has come to say good bye.

Ricardo turns his back on me.

Ricardo: I loved jou Patsy. I loved jou when you were out of shape, I loved jou when jou were having bad mom days. I loved jou when you wanted to trow tu marido (husband) off a bridge, I loved jou when jou felt helpless. alone and isolated. I loved jou where I really tought that the insane asylum was jour only hope. Mi amor, I loved jou!!!!!

Me: I know Ricardo and because you loved me through all that I am incredibly grateful. Thank you for listening and thank you for being my very own personal guardian angel amongst all this madness. But I no longer have time for this and am strong enough to let go. And that’s all thanks to you and the readers.

I wake up from my daydream and pick up the phone and call my husband.

John: Hello.

Me: Hey. When you come home I’m still going out, I’m going to go to Starbucks and read my book.

John: Okay.

Thanks for listening guys.

I love you!

Patsy